Finding the New You

By Jerry Grimes

Congratulations—you’re retired! Now what? After taking a break to sleep in or catch up on books or TV, most retired people wonder how to rebuild their social lives. And therein lies a big problem. Study after study shows that newly retired folks often feel cut off from their work friends, whom they know so well. Many more fight loneliness because they have lost a partner or have become isolated while caring for someone with a long term illness. According to a Harvard study, about 40% of people over 60 feel isolated and battle loneliness. The question is, how do you overcome it?

Getting out there, making new friends, and finding ways to become more connected is the answer. And not working means you have more time to do just that. But believe it or not, having more time to be active and engaged in the community doesn’t just happen; it takes intentionality and focus. That’s where many of us find ourselves broken down on the road of good intentions. Luckily, we’ve compiled a guide to “Getting Out There” to help you find your way!

While finding a community may seem intimidating, it’s not impossible. Our survey of people and programs in the Lexington, Irmo, and Chapin areas suggests that encouragement and curiosity can go a long way in building new friendships. “The way of isolation is the road to dying,” Mary Katherine Bagnel retired owner of Senior Matters, a local business that serves seniors and families, told us. “What I suggest, and what I think I am an example of, is that you have to initiate a new life.” Bagnel went from working 60-hour weeks to almost no schedule or agenda. She found a local gym and began exercising to make new friends. She joined a local Bible study group and took up a childhood interest, weaving. But she didn’t stop there. She also took numerous classes, including one in blacksmithing.

She learned many ways to make new, meaningful connections, but taking that first step is crucial. Since then, she’s dedicated herself to helping others do the same. “Sometimes, I even go with people to get them going. This is new to them, so why not take an hour with your parents, friends, or whomever you are trying to help? You end up doing it together,” Bagnel added. Others we talked to affirmed that premise. “You have to use gentle persuasion, and I’d encourage coming with someone you are trying to help just to check things out,” says Susie Elgin, Senior Services Director for the Irmo Chapin Recreation Commission. “Let’s face it, this is all about making new friends.”

Susie explained that the ICRC offers meals and activities every weekday for residents over 60, thanks to funding through the Central Midlands Council of Government and Area Agency on Aging. Seniors can qualify for free meals and transportation through a simple screening process or pay a modest fee on-site. Activities are open to all, including crafts, bingo, games, cards, baking, arts, stretching, and exercise. Monthly outings for lunch and shopping add a dose of fun.

Many people find their path to a community of support by exploring the network of friends and connections they already have. For Lexington County resident Susan Novellino, 66, daily walking her rescue dogs, Korrah and Dolly, on the wooded trails at Saluda Shoals Park has helped expand her circle of friends. She’s met other dog parents, hikers, cyclists, and runners. Novellino also attends Eastlake Community Church in Irmo and participates in its affinity groups program, which organizes activities around shared interests like motorcycling, hiking, board games, and pickleball. “Walking out on that court the first time was intimidating,” Novellino said of playing pickleball. “But you soon discover that everyone is just like you, just wanting to have a good time.”

For Jan McCarthy, 77, Chapin, retirement was an opportunity to stay engaged. “After I retired, I got involved because I am a person who just can’t sit still. But you don’t have to be like me to find something you might enjoy; there are many interest groups and activities,” she said. McCarthy is the President of The Resident’s Club, a group designed to help women make new friends and enjoy socializing. The club offers book clubs, card-playing groups, lunch clubs, and events like holiday parties and cocktail hour. It welcomes new members and creates new activities based on their interests. “My advice to anyone feeling stuck is just to try something new. You must look for these things because they aren’t coming to look for you,” she quipped. Here are some specific ways to build new connections that you might consider:

Explore Local Churches

Communities of faith are rich sources for welcoming groups and activities open to all, even non-believers. Many larger churches in Irmo, Chapin, Lexington, and Ballentine offer programs for all ages, including exercise classes, language lessons, Bible studies, self-help groups, and senior activity nights. For example, The Shepherd’s Center of St. Andrews provides exciting opportunities for adults 50 and older to learn new skills, take on new challenges, and make friends. The center’s programs include academic, enjoyable, and activity-based courses taught by volunteers from colleges and the local community. Many classes are also available online.

Join Local Clubs, Interest Groups, and Lodges

Masonic lodges offer membership programs for men and women, with numerous activities and gatherings often open to the public. Stop by to inquire or go online. While organizations like the VFW and American Legion are primarily geared toward veterans, there are programs for their families, and many activities held in their facilities are open to the public such as billiards, dancing, and karaoke nights.

Public Recreational and Educational Opportunities

Local government entities offer numerous programs through libraries, community colleges, gymnasiums, and museums. These projects strive to combat isolation, gain education, get into shape, eat healthy, find a new hobby, stay safe, and experience the arts. Check local law enforcement media outlets as well as your personal health insurance plans for senior membership discounts, free opportunities, and reward initiatives.

Part-Time Work or Volunteering

Retailers, service-based companies, and local governments often hire mature adults for part-time social interaction roles. Volunteering is another excellent way to meet people, build character traits, and make a difference. Charities and ministries affiliated with hospitals, airports, and churches in your area need volunteers to work the frontlines and behind the scenes in many capacities. You could visit sick or inbound people, soothe babies, help with fundraisers, read and/or write letters, take inventory of supplies or stock shelves, care for pets, or assist with administrative tasks. Think about how you want to spend your time and energy and hobbies you enjoy and are passionate about, then explore opportunities to get involved.

Making new connections might initially feel overwhelming, but the rewards of stepping out of your comfort zone are worth it. Ask others about their interests or search for clubs in your area at local coffee shops, art galleries, convenience stores, and on social media platforms. They may have different ideas that you would enjoy as well. Whether you join a group, attend a class, or start a conversation with someone new, you’ll soon find yourself surrounded by people who enrich your life. So why wait? Use the resources below and pick up the phone, send that email, or walk into that first meeting. New friends and experiences are waiting for you just around the corner.

Resources

Irmo Chapin Recreation Commission 5605 Bush River Rd., Columbia, SC 29212

Direct Contact: Susie Elgin (803) 213-1190

Direct Email: [email protected] ICRC.net 803-772-1228

Lexington County Recreation and Aging Commission 563 South Lake Drive, Lexington, South Carolina 29072

Direct Email: [email protected] 803-359-4048

Lexington County Public Library 5440 Augusta Rd., Lexington, SC 29072 LexCoLibrary.com 803-785-2600

Shepherd’s Center St. Andrews 2600 Asheland Rd., Columbia, SC 29210 ShepherdsCenterofStAndrews.org 803-731-9394

GetCareSC.com (SC Dept. on Aging) 1301 Gervais St., Suite 350, Columbia, SC 800-868-9095