by Virginia Gates
“Pull up a chair. We have a seat reserved especially for you.”
Those simple words evoke a warm feeling of belonging quite like no other. Sharing a meal not only brings people together, but we also learn about commonalities, exchange knowledge and wisdom, and for many a Southerner, a beloved recipe.
For a dear friend of mine celebrating a milestone birthday earlier this year, she decided to forgo an elaborate gathering, but instead have a small dinner party. There were 6 couples in attendance, and we hired a private chef to cook for the evening. From appetizers to dessert, it was an incredible meal. Lots of great conversations were had, and at the end of the night, we couldn’t quit talking about what a wonderful time it was–the yearning for the simple act of connectivity without modern-day technologies being present.
This experience nourished us on so many levels, which begged the question, “Why have we gotten away from this?” Why have we, as a society, forgone the dining room table? It has been the center of so many things historically and spiritually, making all events just that much more remarkable. However, a 2019 survey found that while 72% of the population grew up eating at the dining room table, only 48% do so now.
The concept of the dining table is said to have started in ancient Egypt around 2500 BC. The Greeks were the first to recognize eating in intimate rooms reinforced status among the classes, and the Romans were serious about making a meal look effortless while including “al fresco” options to highlight the landscapes around them. Tables during this time were made of some of the same materials used today including stone, metal, or wood. The word table is derived from the Latin word “tubula” which means plank, board, or flat piece. In biblical history, fellowship at the table was a sacred space of great significance during Jesus’ life and teachings, which demonstrated God’s provision and a love for all.
During the Middle Ages, castles of the wealthy included a large “hall” and a long table from which they dined and were typically quite drafty and cold. Families didn’t start eating together until the 1700s. Before the 18th century, households would eat in shifts, setting up a small table in a hallway or outside, or by the hearth, where they prepared food. By the Victorian era, entertaining and food was the height of any event and additional furniture that accentuated the space, such as buffets and China cabinets, became popular as well.
One of the first American homes to have a room specifically designated for dining was Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello built in 1772. Throughout history the continual theme was that dining rooms were only for the elite and considered a sign of social status. Women viewed the dining room as the cornerstone of their home and took pride in collecting fine China, silver, crystal, custom linens, and specialty serving pieces to reflect their style and individual taste. During the 19th and 20th centuries, dining tables were considered a place to cultivate a sense of family. Next, the 1920s brought about a shift in a more relaxed approach to dining by way of the introduction of kitchen appliances like the electric kitchen stove and icebox. The rise of the middle class also led to the creation of smaller, more affordable tables that could be used in the home. After WWII, Americans traded formal dining rooms for more “eat-in” kitchens as they worked longer hours. The birth of convenience foods and an emphasis on the kitchen influenced by home builders and marketing firms led to designs that were more of an open concept, which is still a focus today.
The subject of the table has been one of recurring significance this year for me personally. We recently sold my great-grandparents’ estate this past summer. They had an incredible home that had been a part of our family since the 1800s. The formal dining room even included a butler’s pantry complete with a butler’s bell. While going through items tucked away in the serving buffet located in their living room, I came across my great-grandmother’s monogrammed linen napkins and mother-of-pearl cheese knives, which my family said I could have if I wanted them.
You would have thought I had won the lottery as I ran my hands over the tops of the items and stared in awe over the quality of detail found in the hand-stitched monogram in the napkins and the intricate etchings found on the knives. I was so thrilled to have these heirloom pieces that would be a part of my next dinner party and spark a conversation to be had about its family history.
I suppose I am an “old soul” about these things. I love seeing and knowing the time and effort that is put into the details. To me, understanding, respecting, and honoring traditions while seeking out the knowledge of how the items came to be in the first place is what makes things special. For I believe joy is found in the details of life.
As we approach this Thanksgiving holiday that honors traditions of past and present, may we remember the things that truly matter. Break out the “good stuff” in the China cabinet, place some candlesticks on the table, and polish up the silver. These things sit and collect dust for too long as people look for the” perfect time” to use them. Every day is an occasion and a reason. We never know when the meal we share with others may very well be the last one with them as each season brings about changes in all our lives.
Let us not forget our neighbors, friends, acquaintances, and people of all walks in our lives and extend an invitation to them as we compile our list of those to gather around the table for this meal. Often it’s that unexpected call they receive that makes their day, as they hear your voice extending the welcome invite, for everyone loves to be thought of and take comfort in knowing that they have “a place at the table”.
