By Heather Bedford, Columbia Counseling Center, MA, LPC, NCC.
We’ve all heard the analogy that “we have to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help someone else”, but what do you do when there is no oxygen flowing? When your cup is empty, your plate is full and you’ve nothing left to give? In the counseling world, we call this “compassion fatigue.” However, compassion fatigue is not limited to the world of psychotherapy. Pastors, nurses, teachers, first responders, coaches, parents, (and more!) are on the front lines of the hurting, the broken, and the lost.
I’ve seen this so many times in my own practice, with clients who are some of the bravest people I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. In Greek, the word paraklētos means “to come alongside someone else” and often refers to that person as a comforter or helper. While that is my professional privilege as a therapist, many of you have the same role as a friend, neighbor, parent, coworker, or even someone on the prayer chain at church. So, what do you do when your oxygen isn’t flowing? When your cup is empty?
My “counselor” questions to you are: “Where do you go to plug in and recharge?” and “Who walks alongside you?”
The answer is going to be different for every person reading this article. For some of you recharging means turning off your phone, for others it may be going for a walk or a run, and some of you may truly need a nap! (Can I get an AMEN, tired mamas?) Whatever you find yourself doing to recharge, do it, and do it without guilt or shame. Recharging is not selfish. Recharging is not avoidance. It is necessary for your body, mind and spirit.
Do it in this order: rest/recharge, process it with clarity, and find someone who can walk alongside you. That person who walks alongside you may be a friend, a pastor, a sibling, or a parent. Sharing the burden of life with a trusted source after you’ve had time to rest is the key to being able to tackle that full plate and empty cup.
From this counselor to you: turn off that phone, watch that movie in your NETFLIX queue, go out with your friends, grab that book and read a few chapters, or go take that nap! Whatever you choose, do it with the intention of recharging and refilling, then find that trusted source and share your heart. You’ll be amazed at the results!
