By Martha Brown
We often hear people exclaim, “It’s so hard raising kids today!” Unfortunately, they are right–every generation has its challenges. In today’s technology-driven and fast-paced society, effective communication and common courtesy are more crucial than ever. As parents and guardians, we should ensure that children are raised in a way that promotes essential skills and manners. “Children are not born simply good or bad, and we should never give up on them. They need adults who will help them become caring, respectful, and responsible for their communities at every stage of their childhood,” reports Richard Weissbourd, Harvard University Psychologist.
A youngster’s worldview and character are shaped by two main factors: the environment they are exposed to and how they are acknowledged, validated, accepted, and treated. Every step as an adolescent will assist in determining their direction in the future. Parents, grandparents, role models, caregivers, and guardians must be intentional in guiding each child. There should be an obvious, unified approach when rewarding, encouraging, affirming, and disciplining.
Instinctually parents want to place their children in a protective bubble. Children can be very open to strangers; they may easily talk to others without hesitation or prejudice, and they are naturally fun and curious. It is important to be safe and cautious, but if children are always restricted from talking to other people, it may hinder their natural sense of communication and independence. Allow your child to converse freely with people of all ages–from schoolmates to grandparents and extended family, to the lady operating the register at the grocery store, as long as they are safe. Distance yourself enough to give the child space to freely converse, but not so far away that the conversation cannot be monitored. Listening intently to others and patiently waiting for their turn to speak can seem like an impossible feat for youngsters due to their short attention spans, but with patience it is achievable.
A great way to instill responsibility in a child is by giving them daily, manageable tasks according to their maturity level and physical capabilities. Create a notebook or writing board with a list of chores such as making the bed, washing the dishes, putting clean clothes in the laundry basket, and feeding the pets. This is just as important for them as learning to read or write. Give clear and straightforward instructions; you may need to demonstrate the way you want tasks to be completed. Although they may complain, most children enjoy receiving sincere compliments after their chores are completed. Don’t hesitate to let them know when they have finished a task to your satisfaction. Positive reinforcement has been proven to not only improve unflattering behavior but also build self-esteem and confidence while instilling leadership skills.
Make your child aware that no human is perfect, including parents and role models. Give them examples of situations in which mistakes were made along with the consequences and steps that were taken to rectify the problem. Having kids acknowledge and accept their own mistakes is a hard but very important task; there are powerful lessons that come along with every failure. Think of each struggle with your child as an opportunity for you to teach them different approaches that could have had a better outcome. Take time to ensure that they understand their mistake and how to avoid repeating it.
Young children who have been raised in a positive environment that demonstrates love and respect for others are inclined to be thoughtful adults. It is never too early to teach them to favor all people, including the elderly, authority figures, and those who are less fortunate. The easiest way to do this is to lead by example; be the person that you would like your kids to admire. When acts of kindness or compassion are performed automatically, sincerely, and consistently, children take notice and are more likely to repeat those actions. The older they get, the more responsibilities they can handle, and usually they enjoy pleasing others. Remind them to open doors for others to enter first, ask them to take care of minor household chores or yardwork for an elderly neighbor, teach them to use phrases such as “Thank You,” “You’re Welcome,” and “Pardon me.” Explain what personal boundaries are for themselves and others, helping them understand that guidelines and restrictions are generally implemented for the safety and comfort of everyone involved.
We naturally want our children to display compassion and kindness in every situation. While there is something to be said for kids who enjoy fashion or the arts, there is nothing wrong with those who enjoy playing in the dirt or with a football. Everyone has their own gifts and interests. We should give them space to be unique and express themselves and show them how to do this without offending or disrespecting others. Raising polite children who are trustworthy, confident, and modest is a challenge in today’s culture. A parental figure or caregiver’s influence and presence are profound. These bright, smart, impressionable whippersnappers are watching every move and hanging onto every word, mentally recording every situation and your response or reaction.
Showing interest or curiosity about a child’s hobbies or sports makes them feel important and gives the adult a reason to engage with them on their level. Taking time to teach your child how to work on something or complete a task leads to great open interaction and bonding. If your child is willing to perform activities and work on projects with you, enjoy your time together. As long as you keep these moments light, fun, and positive, you and your child will have memories that will last forever.
Modern-day communication and manners are not as formal as in generations past. Most of our youth are less likely to speak with others in person, naturally choosing to utilize various forms of digital communication. They are less concerned with table manners and more aware of tolerance, inclusion, and respect for others’ differences or preferences. Guiding children in ways that they can become positive role models at any age will not only benefit them in youth but will also drive them to success in adulthood.
